There's nothing quite like a beautiful, sunny day on the ski slopes, especially if it just snowed the night before. I just love hitting the mountain for some epic runs, but it never fails that several times a day I am triggered with a pet peeve. You know what I'm saying because I know you feel it too. Unless, of course, you're one of these people. #theshame
1. Drunk People
I remember a time when I was so nervous to snowboard that I'd have to take a shot of whiskey just to relax. And then another. I'd snowboard a little loose, but in my defense, I was never fast, daring, or out of control. It just helped me not be scared.
Now that I'm older and more confident, I usually don't drink at all when I'm riding. Which, unfortunately, makes the obnoxious drunk people stand out like a black woman at a Trump rally.
Hey guys, if you're gonna drink and be social and have fun while skiing, fine, awesome. Just don't get super tanked and hurt someone okay, unless it's yourself.
2. People going faster than they should, getting out of control, and yard-saleing down the mountain almost hitting me.
Dudes, stay in control. It's that simple. If you go out of control you could hurt someone else. This doesn't just peeve me, it infuriates me, especially when there's a narrow miss. Put your ego in a locker at the lodge (it's only, like, 50 cents) and ride within your skill level. Besides, braking your skis would totally ruin your day.
3. People passing me within 5 feet
Uggggg, this happens to me all the time, and I'm begin generous with 5 feet. One day I had an old guy on skis zoom past me within a foot. I could smell the Drakkar Noir.
It's common decency, kind of like washing your hands after you take a leak, to give people their space. I mean, what if I made a turn all of a sudden, or the turn I thought I was making didn't go the way I planned (it happens!). I don't have time to crash because of you dude.
I swear, the next middle aged guy (that's the main culprit here in my experience) who skis in my ski-bubble is gonna get a handful of snow down his jacket in the lift line.
4. People getting up slowly when they fall off the lift
Just get up! Get up, get up, get up. And move away. I've narrowly avoided a few dog piles (which shouldn't happen anyway lifties). Now, I'm guilty of falling off the lifts, like, every other day at least, but I scramble my ass up and get out of the way.
Speaking of getting out of the way, a spin off of this pet peeve is when people stop just a few meters after getting off the lift to talk or put their gloves on and it's right in line with my chair lift exit path. I'm not stellar at navigating my board with one foot unstrapped, so get out of my way! WTF!
5. People not teaching their children basic etiquette
Let me just say, I get it, kids are kids. They're little humans trying to learn the ways of the world and we need to be gentle and empathetic with their mistakes. Well, the ski slopes are a mixed use area of predominantly adults who paid good money to be there. It's a dangerous place of basically no rules, just etiquette.
So parents and ski instructors, please, please, please, keep on those kids about basic etiquette until they really get it and practice it. Teach them not to cut me off. Teach them to look behind them before starting to ski again. Teach them to say excuse me. Teach them their ski poles will poke a freaking eye out. Please? And keep teaching them. Thank you.
6. People who stop on the hill and then start skiing again without looking up the hill behind them
Okay, this might be my number one pet peeve. When I'm coming down the mountain and planning my line around you, who is stopped, please don't just start skiing again into my line without looking. If you pulled to the side of the freeway, would you merge back on without looking behind you? NO!! So, don't do it on the slopes you reckless ass.
7. People in general
So, I guess what I'm getting at is that people are my pet peeves. People. On my slopes. Okay, I'm just kidding about that last one. But seriously, I've stopped going to the mountain on Saturdays and Sundays because of the crowds of people making it a more dangerous activity than it needs to be. Spoiled by the nearly desolate weekdays, yeah baby.
8. Honorable Mentions
Okay, I know the title is Top 7 Pet Peeves on the Ski Slopes, but why stop there? Here are a few honorable mentions that also bug the shit out of me.
8a. People who stop to sit in a line horizontally across the run. If you need to stop to talk to your buddy, stop up or downhill of them, or go cllllllllll the way to the side.
8b. People who smoke cigarettes on the chair lift and then throw their butts. Yuck and yuck.
8c. People who park in the handicap spaces and take the very few valuable spots away from the monoskiers who might be in wheelchairs and have someone carry their heavy ski.